Sunday, November 30, 2008

The weekend

I had a ok weekend,

Friday afternoon i went to my "mom" for her birthday and had 2 drinks with her and afterwards i went home, took a shower and decided to go ice skating as i had nothing better to do with my time.

It was fun, i really can't explain it but it took my mind off everything and i could just have fun.

Saturday morning my plan of action was to do the brakes on my car but when i looked i noticed i didn't have a jack so it was a lost cause so i decided to go do our washing which was a good idea as it was really warm and the clothes were done quickly.

Bev smsed me out of the blue but i was actually hoping for her to sms me as i have been missing her. I'm not sure what is going on but i'm giving her her space. only thing is that i miss talking to her and i hope she feels the same.

Sunday i went through to see my goddaughter and damn she has grown, she has a full head of hair and she is so adorable, quiet and googly...all she does is eat and sleep.

I got a phone call from my brother telling me my mom's place is apparently under water. I phoned her and she was freaking out and hung up on me so i raced through to her place to expect the worst and when i got there she didn't have hot water. People should really communicate correctly.

Went home afterwards and just relaxed and around 9 last night i had the craving for sweets so i went to the shops and got myself some sweets.

P.S. i don't know whats going on and i need to find out because its ripping me apart.

no comment

"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now


We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Home alone

This is the first weekend or saturday as a matter of fact a saturday. Lying in bed now and watching a movie and thinking about everything that has happened in the last week. Fuck i hate myself. Should've seen the signs. I tried, failed and Fucked up.

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Mom's birthday

I'm now sitting and having a smoke with my 2nd or 3rd mom as its her birthday. I'm extremely calm strangely enough even though i'm try to grind everything through my brain.

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Friday, November 28, 2008


Damn i'm glad this day is over. Work on my car tomorrow and just relax since i'm alone once again.

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Monday, November 17, 2008


I'm up quite early today. I'm still lying in bed and today is going to be interesting are everything is finally going right for except one thing. Will have to wait and see what the future holds.

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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Working Weekend

This weekend wasn't much of a weekend, i spent saturday and sunday working and i'm on standby so i never moved away from my laptop or cellphone which was kind of a bummer.

Friday night was relaxing, Bev's mom was away on business and her dad went to go visit friends. We just played pool and spent some time together.

Saturday i came to work and just did the obvious and after work i went through to Bev as her mom was back from business and i wanted to say hi. we took it easy and just relaxed and i was working so i couldn't do anything hectic.

Sunday was exactly the same except for one thing. me and bev made a bet that we could see if we could stop talking to each other and for how long. Sunday being alone at work, not talking to a single person and i finally cracked. I hate silence.

We took it easy last night. I woke up this morning with a serious neck pain.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Something is wrong !

i don't know what the hell is happening to me.

I'm so freaking tired of my F%$#ing life and i can't cope now. Working is killing me and my family are a bunch of lying son's of bitc$#s.

Some a-hole owe me money and doesn't have it to give it back. I'm struggling with fu-king money and i still owe on 2 accounts....

I managed to screw up my relationship aswell once again because of my own issues and i highly doubt she will forgive me this time because i was rude and miserable last night because i had to work and i couldn't enjoy myself because if my ISSUES.

Gonna see if i can either get some muscle relaxants today or see a shrink.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Dreams and Stupid shoes

Last night was a fun night, i learnt that i'm getting old and unfit as hell !

Sunday night we optly decided to go ice skating and yesterday afternoon Bev wanted to chicken out but we wouldn't have it.

We got to the mall and went for a drink first, i was also actually quite nervous to get on the ice again as i haven't done it in months.

Gathering all our might we went to the rink and i got on the ice expecting a bail as my skates are pretty blunt. Amazingly it came back in perfect form.

Bev wasn't so keen on skating which i don't understand as she's a pretty good skater except for the stopping part but we will fix it.

I did some quick runs and noticed that someone was busy ripping my right lung out of my chest. It was a burning sensation from the cold air being breathed in at high speed and it hurt like hell.

I decided to stop skating and i walked with Bev to get her shoes back as she has hired skates on. I had given her a pair of sneakers that my ex threw back in my face and she said that she would wear them everytime we come skating as she won't mind them being stolen.

Ok, i might've reacted wrong by saying those shoes Had memories instead of saying they cost me alot of money and i wouldn't like them being stolen.

She was or still is upset with me because i know it hurts and her ex has also made contact with her again and its really pissing her off.

I'm to a point too scared to say anything, i don't want to lose her for anything and i would kill the motherf%^$er that tries to take her from me.

The dream i don't want to talk about, it scared me.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

a Weekend to remember

This weekend was amazing !!!

I have never enjoyed myself so much in a long time and we really didn't do much.

From fighting with each other regarding a past life to being so attached to each other with invisible handcuffs.

Friday night i went through to Bev and just spent a relaxing evening there as my friend was spending the night at a friend / girlfriends house and I went through to my girlfriend.

Just being together and sitting and chatting and watching tv and just in general having fun. She is still trying to kick my ass playing pool and my Angel, i love you alot but its not gonna happen...

I think in the first time in my life i have made a really good impression on someone and it makes me feel really good about myself. Her parents like me alot and she loves me more than i could've ever imagined.

This is truly my soulmate.

Saturday during the day i had to attend a tenants meeting which lasted a whole 20 min and then afterwards i went through to my mom to take her a couple of things to eat and smoke and bla bla bla. I quickly rushed back as i was counting down the minutes i would be without bev and when i got there she reminded me that we were gonna go to Emperors palace to take her gran gambling and we could go play games. Yes I know, a 25 and 23 year old playing games but its a lot more fun.

I enjoyed the day in general except for one girl annoying bev and my friend that can't make his mind up. I really need to buy myself Time Crisis 4...Angel ?

Saturday morning Bev's parents went away to go camping and asked me if i would stay over and in a heartbeat i said yes. saturday night we just relaxed, had a couple of drinks and played pool. I think i should never go to a public place again if i've been drinking. sliding around on tiles at McD's is weird but what the hell, i'm still young.

We crashed into bed around 11 or 12 or something, i seem to lose track of time completely when i'm with her. it has to last forever.

Woke up sunday morning surrounded by dogs and my Angel next to me. show me one thing that can be more perfect. we laid in bed for a while and then got up as my friend was there and he complained of back ache. i solemly took him to the doctor and they gave him a voltaren and panamor injection which is funny...for me atleast. Thank you my Love, i owe you.

Afterwards picking up all our things we headed home just to make sure we still had a house and then i took brad to his mom to paroxide his hair, it looks good now. just need to keep the style he has.

Last night we just went out for coffee and i have never seen a person laugh so much out of other people's pain except for me earlier the day.

Tonight we are going ice skating, a little nervous because i haven't skated in 3 months and my skates are blunt.

If you don''t hear anything from me tomorrow i have been killed in a horrific blunt instrument death.

This is my last will and testament....


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

So messed up !

Ah i messed up, it happened so fast.

I went to my girlfriends house last night to spend some alone time together before her parents came home and we were just making out and relaxing together until her friend came back and then we logged onto mxit to chat a little as the privacy was gone we had a few minutes earlier and she asked me who was that person i had that was new on my phone and i said it was one of my friends that invited me the previous night and we left it there.

We decided to play pool and after a while her one friend rocked up in tears and she just needed someone to talk to. She ended up playing pool against me as i was on a winning streak and my girlfriend was listening to music on my phone which doesn't bug me as i have never had anything to hide.

Later on in the night my girlfriend became really quiet and i asked her what was wrong and she said nothing and i left it but it still bugged me.

After her friend went home i asked her what was wrong again and she said that the person that invited me was not my friend but my ex. I told her i didn't know that but yes, unfortunately she didn't believe me and she told me i should phone her and tell her to F%^# off.

GOD KNOWS why i didn't do it. I love this girl till the end of the earth and i would do anything for her and i couldn't do a simple request.

I screwed up and now i have to live with it.

She came along
Broke the spell
And set me free
Push aside
What use to be
All the broken hearted man that once was me
I never gave it up
I always believe
When shes in my arms i know what i achieve

So hear me lonelyness
Im giving up on you
I dont need you anymore
Ive found what i been lookin for
So hear me emptyness
Ive got no room for you
Ive finally found what ive been dreamin of
Someone to love

Cos i was lost
I was down and out
Untill that day
I knew what my life was all about
Still wonder how
She came my way
Shes the reason im smiling here today


Oh my god i have not been so worried in my life.

I got 2 smses last night for bounced debit orders that i didn't have enough money in my account...

I have never been good with money and now its catching up with me. too much debt and too little money. I have about 6 or 7 accounts which i pay every month and 2 credit cards and a loan. Its crazy for such a young person to have so much debt. I also took over my brother's cellphone account and he couldn't pay it and he helped me years ago when i was in my car accident.

My angel told me today that she will help me. I just need to stay positive. with her i can do anything.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Updates !

This is going to be a long post.

Thursday my girlfriend suggested we go out and drink some coffee or just relax away from our homes. We decided that we would just go to Greenstone and have a meal together and my friend and his friend came with. The evening was relaxing and we had fun chatting.

My friend is currently seeing a girl he met through one of his customers but she's currently 6 months pregnant. My girlfriend isn't very happy with it and neither am i but its very difficult to tell him as he's head over heels but people need to bump their heads every now and again.

Friday night we went to my girlfriends house for some relaxation and just be together. i enjoy sitting around with her alot more than going out and doing other things.

Saturday morning i woke up early as everyone went to work and i fell asleep again...

I went to the flea market to find a converter for my PC and then afterwards i went home and cleaned the place up as my girlfriend was sleeping over and my friend's friend was also coming over. The night was good, all of us just sat and chatted in the dark and my girlfriend had a bottle of wine which was cleaned out without making any dishes... :-) I have no idea what time we went to sleep but it must've been really late as i woke up and i apparently told my girlfriend to leave me alone and go home which i can't remember.

I was upset when i heard this and then i still needed to go to my mother. After bribing a stupid cop for pulling me off for no reason i got to my mom and we chatted a little bit and i told her what happened in the morning and ofcourse she sided with my gf and told me to stop my crap and fix the problem.

Afterwards i went to my girlfriends place and just relaxed and chatted and played some pool as her mom cleaned out the poolroom, i think my gf is still convinced i let her win...

She was tired so i left quite early as i also needed to go to my friends house because they asked me earlier and i still needed to take his friend home. We just sat around and talked about my one friend that sent me a message yesterday saying that he's moving out.

It didn't come as a shock but now i need to tighten up my belt even more. A salary doesn't stretch very far no matter how much you earn.

I will survive because i have always.