Ashamed

Good afternoon evereeebody.

Yesterday was a crazy day and this morning was any better.

I kept myself occupied with work and now and then stopping and talking to Bev. She has the amazing ability to always make me smile and she always senses when something is wrong with me even though i don't know it.

I had a huge falling out with my brother yesterday as my mom is currently living on her own and she is dependent on me and my brother to help her but he hasn't come to the party much lately because of his whore girlfriend.

Anyway, i told Bev yesterday that i'm going to my mom and she asked if she could go with and i told her that she can't because i'm ashamed of my mother, yes i know "don't say that about your mother" but the reason for that is that i have known the woman for 25 years an my life hasn't been perfect. we struggled alot with money when i was younger and only from around i was 12 it became better and we could live life again.

My mom is a alcoholic, she blamed my father for this as he was one aswell and he used to be the crap out of my mom when he was drunk. Its tough for a little kid to see this and unfortunately i cannot forget it...stupid photographic memory. People have envied me for what i have like a paid for car and the nicest gadget but i worked my butt off for everything i own.

Facing huge challenges all your life makes you such a strong person. I haven't cried or anything in nearly 15 years BUT i keep everything bottled up because it helps strangely enough to be strong. I have seen so many psychologists in my life that i can actually qualify as one :~)

I will fight for anything i see and feel is right as i have proven over and over again to people. I'm hugely aggresive when it comes to work as i want to do the best and i hate it when people try and prove me wrong when i know i'm wrong.

I'm not a genius or something but i know what i'm doing and i'm damn good at it. I love my girlfriend to the end of the earth and i proved it yesterday.

Remember, when you think your life is tough and hard...think about that guy on the street looking for a piece of chicken in the trash.

P.S. This post makes no sense, i'm just babbling again.