Public Holiday

i had a very eventful public holiday... all i did was sleep.

I found it !!!

I found it !!!

You know when you are so occupied with something and then you hear a song and you stop doing everything to listen to the song.

I found it, i found the song that describes my mental state, current situation and emotion about life

Not gonna post the lyrics....just listen...

Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest

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Its monday again, 3 more working days then i'm leave now.


Sound excited don't i ? not sure why i'm not because i haven't taken leave in december in nearly 4 years and i need the break.


The weekend was quiet, only real interesting thing that happened is that we had a braai on saturday and my friends family came through and we took it easy.


Sunday i couldn't stand sitting at home any longer and decided to go walk around. i decided that since i was there i might as well go say hi to my ex because i still am a human being even though i sound relentless.


She didn't seem really bugged that i came to say hi so i wasn't there for long and i went home.


I don't want to be alone this holiday. it seems that i can't find someone just for the december to spend with. i don't want to go to my freaking family on christmas because they're a bunch of snobs and i will eventually just piss them all off and get into my car and leave AGAIN.


I did however figure out something this weekend walking through the mall. its amazing how many people will look at you when you aren't "looking" I picked up small and subtle hints about everyone i bumped into this weekend and i like it but i'm not sure if i'm correct about the hints but we will see.

Answers,,,

This is gonna be a long post.

i have a slight hangover too so this post might not make any sense.

I went out last night with friends as it was students night at the keg. i was a bit apprehensive as i felt there was something wrong. its hard to explain.

I've had a rough couple of weeks with my ex wanting her stuff back, my current ex girlfriend not being able to explain to me why the hell we broke up and why she needs time and me just getting utterly confused about life in general.

I was sitting at the keg last night with some of my closest friends and for a point everything around me just disappeared and i was alone.

Ok wait, this isn't gonna work. got a massive headache, the freaking aircons aren't working and i just feel crap.

The weekend

I had a ok weekend,

Friday afternoon i went to my "mom" for her birthday and had 2 drinks with her and afterwards i went home, took a shower and decided to go ice skating as i had nothing better to do with my time.

It was fun, i really can't explain it but it took my mind off everything and i could just have fun.

Saturday morning my plan of action was to do the brakes on my car but when i looked i noticed i didn't have a jack so it was a lost cause so i decided to go do our washing which was a good idea as it was really warm and the clothes were done quickly.

Bev smsed me out of the blue but i was actually hoping for her to sms me as i have been missing her. I'm not sure what is going on but i'm giving her her space. only thing is that i miss talking to her and i hope she feels the same.

Sunday i went through to see my goddaughter and damn she has grown, she has a full head of hair and she is so adorable, quiet and googly...all she does is eat and sleep.

I got a phone call from my brother telling me my mom's place is apparently under water. I phoned her and she was freaking out and hung up on me so i raced through to her place to expect the worst and when i got there she didn't have hot water. People should really communicate correctly.

Went home afterwards and just relaxed and around 9 last night i had the craving for sweets so i went to the shops and got myself some sweets.

P.S. i don't know whats going on and i need to find out because its ripping me apart.

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"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Home alone

This is the first weekend or saturday as a matter of fact a saturday. Lying in bed now and watching a movie and thinking about everything that has happened in the last week. Fuck i hate myself. Should've seen the signs. I tried, failed and Fucked up.

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